Thou shalt not Whistle

Ordinary Saturday mrando on bike. 25 km remaining before I reach sweet home, leisurely speeding and calculating how much I need to add to the 1500 I have to buy a car. Earphones in my ears as I eat Rhumba ruthlessly. My voice and I can’t sing. At least not in public. So I whistle along to ”Mununga nikwela kwami ndaya, mama wachupila Mbundu kwela mandona”

Out of nowhere a grandma seems to be speaking to me. From her facial expressions, I highly doubt it’s an ordinary conversation. I remove my earphones and train my ears to know why my journey has been interrupted only to be met with the furious rap of Lukabras. Ordinarily, I speak the languages my mother speaks and I’ve never heard her speaking in Luhya. So I make it known to the quarreler that she needs to use the Coastal language to engage me. Something that she immediately switches to.

Alas! According to the omukhana of yester years, her syllabus (which needs urgent revision or maybe she should adopt CBC) states that it is illegal to whistle behind women in Luhya land. I’m tempted to ask her if the policy has some age limit or expiry date. But all I manage to croak is ‘Mama I was just eating Rhumba and as we all know I don’t speak Lingala so I could only whistle along Franco and Madillu as they coo in my ears.” But she hears none of it. Looks like she heard the whistles and was ready for those words the Swahilis believe can make a snake crawl from its pango, although this scribe has not developed an appetite for octogenarians.

Abanyolo residing in Luhyaland need some orientation on culture of the natives to learn the dos and don’ts. Lucky me. Would it have in Bukusuland, I might have paid a fine of he goat to cleanse the village of my ignorance.

Anyway, I’m glad I reminded her of them days when maybe she made all men in her village and yonder to whistle and make catcalls behind her.

NB. Abana ba Mulembe whisper to your grandmas that whistling to ladies met the same fate as kamisi: it died a natural death

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