What if Eliud Kipchoge Joined Politics?

In my region, we fondly refer to the Kalenjins as Jolang’o. Recently, it has emerged that the dwellers of Rift Valley share a lot with our brothers from Homa Bay County. Both groups love running, although the Homa Bay ones do it at night, mostly naked, and with no audience to cheer them. Kalenjins prefer to do it during the day, and one of the best dayrunners we have in Kenya is his INEOSness Eliud Kipchoge.

Every time an athlete such as Kipchoge emerges as a winner, Kenyans dig into their wardrobes and put on their best hypocrisy coat. Suddenly, everybody’s level of patriotism parallels Hitler’s love for the Aryans. But what if Eliud Kipchoge suddenly declares that he wants to become the next governor of Nairobi county, what will Kenyans say?

The day Kipchoge launches his campaign bid somewhere in Nairobi, he will cease to be a Kenyan and become a Kalenjin. KOT, however, will prefer to call him Kalejinga. At that moment, everybody will get to know the constituency where he lives and determine the poverty level of the place

Kenyans, in their double standards, will question how Eliud has been spending his fortunes. Online auditors will state his wealth. Historians will provide a list of celebrities and how they have benefited their communities. Linguists will become aware that Kipchoge is not fluent in English. Socialists will dig deep into his private life and find out who Kipchoge’s wife dated while she was still in baby class. Some haters will even boldy declare that cheetahs run faster than Kipchoge. By the time Kenyans are done with him, we would have forgotten that he once sailed our flag high and gave Kenya an international reputation.

Kipchoge, though, is quite wise and simple. I know the mighty Jalang’o can never roll in the mud of politics. But should that thought ever cross his speedy mind, let him run to McDonald Mariga. The footballer will dribble him stories that will make the marathoner run away from the political race.

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