Proud to be a dog

There are two abuses most people dread in life; one touching on one’s mother and the other is being called a dog. The simplest way to ensure someone ‘closed’ with you was to refer to someone as a dog. Despite being called man’s best friend, many men would rather let the canine creature remain afriend, not replace their name. Some women have taken it far and call all men dogs. The madness in the son of Owino’s head, however, convinces him that being called a dog is a privilege. I mean, why should I become mad when hailed as a fox’s cousin?

When somebody calls me ‘mbwa hii,’ my heart somersaults in joy. First, the dog is an efficient creature, a symbol of prudence, and economy. When the food it has eaten insists it wants to exit via the route it followed rather that from the ordinary end, the wise creature decides to ensure the food goes back to stomach to the stomach with immediate effect? Isn’t that just beautiful? Why should you leave the food you have just eaten go to waste in the name of vomiting? So being called a dog literally means you don’t waste resources.

Have you ever seen dogs in their steamy session? They go for hours just relaxing and having their time. Whether it is day or night, big storm or total darkness, our barking friend just does not give a whatever. In our envy, we try to emulate the mighty dog and name ours after their style. And we still think being called a dog is bad if they can invent sex style?

Dogs are intelligent too. Very intelligent. When your relative who lives 40 kilometers from your home dies, it is quite natural to attend the burial ceremony and the feasting ceremony that follows if we share a tribe with you. Such long distance requires the use of ‘peng’ or motorbikes as odieros baptized them. Once you alight from the vehicle at the gate of the funeral, guess who you meet shaking their tail happily to meet you? It is your dog. If somebody could only give our chicken loving neighbors such a strong ability to smell where delicious food is prepared!

Finally, a dog is one of the most honest creatures. It either knows you or it bites you. A dog will not lie to you that ‘nikumbushe nilikuona wapi’ if it does not have any clue about you. Neither will it share its food with you half heartedly. So if someone calls you a dog, wag your tail (if you are lucky to have one), hang out your tongue and pant in pleasure. But if you are annoyed, you can simply bite whoever dogged you. After all, that’s what dogs do. As a by the way, my relative recently opened a hospital so you can call people dogs and confidently tell them you read it in my blog.

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